Media & Relationships
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| Reviews by Cathlene Bell |
Over the next few reviews, I want to explore something that is inevitable in all marriages: conflict. We all have it! In fact, as my father-in-law once said, “I’d be more worried if a couple doesn’t fight at all!” But why, you might be asking, is it inevitable?! What about those couples I see that seem to have it all put together? These are all legitimate questions, that I think the following movies can answer. The following movies each approach the idea of marital conflict from a different angle, but all have valid points to make.
Read, watch, learn, and enjoy!
First off, let’s start with the delectable little film that won Meryl Streep yet another Oscar nomination this year:
Julie & Julia (2009)
Directed by Nora Ephron
Written by Nora Ephron, based upon the works of Julie Powell, Julia Child and Alex Prud’homme
Starring Meryl Streep & Amy Adams
Rated PG-13
Running time: 2 hours, 3 minutes
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Paul and Julia Child are Americans living in post-WWII Paris in the 1950’s due to Paul’s job assignment. Eric and Julie Powell are a young modern-day couple living in Queens. Both Julia and Julie, bored in their respective daily grinds of housewife and cubicle worker, discover solace in cooking. Fated to be much more than a hobby, cooking leads Child to write the first French cookbook for Americans in 1961, which in 2002 Powell uses to challenge herself, cooking through the cookbook and documenting her progress in a blog.
So, what does a film about a world renowned chef and her e-protégé have to do with relationships? One might be surprised to find that this film is just as much about two quiet but powerfully supportive husbands as it is about its leading ladies. In fact, one could argue that the film is much more people than pursuits, for, though the film’s abundant food scenes might lead you to think otherwise, no amount of cooking can cure a relationship.
The couples’ marital conflicts are not so comparable. In Julia and Paul’s relationship the conflicts, small as they are, arise from somewhat external circumstances, such as the looming threat of McCarthyism and Julia’s infertility. Due to their strong bond, they get over these conflicts quickly. In Julie and Eric’s relationship, however, the conflicts arise from individual flaws - namely, Julie’s insecurity and self-absorption. These issues fester and bubble until one of them just can’t take it anymore, and BOOM! Conflict strikes with a vengeance. Eventually, Julie and Eric realize that much of their conflict is arising not from the other, but from within themselves.
We should note that most of the film is skewed towards Julie’s perspective. The Julia and Paul we see are not, in fact, the Julia and Paul of real life. Rather, they are the idealized figments of Julie’s imagination. Therefore, we don’t truly know if Julia and Paul got along quite so well. But perhaps the Childs were to the Powells what all movie couples are to us viewers: reference points. These onscreen collisions gives us a visual aid for something we might be going through ourselves, and presents ways of addressing the conflicts that we may not have considered.
Discussion Questions:
1. Part of the disparity between Julie and Julia are the worlds they live in. While Julia is a housewife who can pursue her passion freely, Julie is a frazzled cubicle worker with little time to give to her passions. And when she does, it leaves even less time to devote to her relationship with her husband. Do you think women in previous decades had an easier time with their relationships?
2. Take note of the lobster scene. How does this scene present Julie and Eric as individuals? As a couple?
3. Consider the role writing plays in the movie. What kind of effect does it have on Julia and Julie, both as individuals and in their relationships?
4. In the end, what really changed Julie?
The Story of Us (1999)
Directed by Rob Reiner
Written by Alan Zweibel and Jessie Nelson
Starring Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer
Rated R (for language and brief sexuality)
Running time: 1 hour, 36 minutes
Ben and Katie Jordan have been married for fifteen years. They have two great kids, a cozy home, and an overall comfortable life. But at some point, that spark disappeared, and they find themselves now uncertain if any love still remains. With their relationship at a crossroads, Ben and Katie must make a critical decision. Is their marriage is worth salvaging, or is it time to move on?
In many ways this film finds itself stranded in chick-flick territory - the token “best friend” couple, the underdeveloped kids, the “harmless” romantic temptations, the perfect vacation gone wrong - but when you look past the kitsch and the less than perfect plot structure, you may be surprised to find that the film makes a few good points!
One such point is the difference between what is urgent and what is important. Katie often finds herself surrounded by both: the urgent manifesting itself as an overflowing washing machine or bickering kids, the important as her husband trying to connect emotionally with her over the phone. As is typical to all of us, Katie succumbs to the urgent, leaving the important things unaddressed. This in itself is a major contributor to the breakdown of their marriage, as those neglected people can bottle up frustration until they burst with resentment.
Also look out for the scene where a marriage therapist explains how the personality of one’s parents plays a big role in a couple’s relationship. Watch how the director chooses to illustrate this idea, and whether Katie and Ben get it the way we do as viewers. This is a point that is not made nearly as often as it should, and you’ll see, as the plot unfolds, how critical this point is in the development of Ben and Katie’s relationship, both in making the mess and in dealing with the mess.
Lastly, watch for an interesting explanation the character Rachel gives about the paradox between men and women as it correlates to sex and conflict resolution. These observations suggest that both genders have to be open, giving and understanding with each other to maintain a solid relationship.
This film is a monument of the challenge all couples have to keep acknowledging the goodness in another human being, and the need for each of us to see how “I” might be contributing to the problem. Overall, The Story of Us is a celebration of “the good fight” that a marriage inevitably becomes, and is worth fighting for.
Discussion Questions:
1. First off, how did the ending make you feel? What did you think of Katie’s ending monologue?
2. Ben and Katie exhibit many of the typical problems that couples experience. For example, he often feels ignored and unloved, while she often feels overburdened and betrayed. Based on the outcome of the movie, what choice/s do you think couples can make to deal with this issue?
3. Do Ben and Katie have their epiphanies at the same time? If not, when do they each take place? And how does each respond to the realizations of the other?
4. Fifteen minutes into the film, Rachel gives a monologue about the daily grind of marriage and family. How does this relate to the idea of urgent versus important? What, if anything, do you think can solve this frustration?
5. Though the “nightmare couple” Ben and Katie meet in Venice are quite annoying, do they make any good points?
6. Note Katie’s discussion of affairs. Do you agree with Katie’s notion of what constitutes an affair? Why or why not?
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